December 31, 2007
PHOTO
Noah Carson Freeman, My Nephew
Merry Christmas!
December 15, 2007
PROJECT
Wool Socks
Another completed project--maybe my personality is changing for the better.
THOUGHT
About Time, Again
I've often considered music and emotions the two main avenues of time travel. When a song begins to play today that meant a lot to me 20 years ago, I take on the same viewpoint and attitudes I had as a teenager for the duration of the song. It's like I am immediately transported back to a point in the past, where those old thoughts and feelings, as well as a lot of sensory information, such as smells and sounds and what I was wearing, all become immediate, come rushing to the forefront of my consciousness. Emotions do something similar: when I feel a sensation that is a little out of the ordinary, but something I've felt before, I am rushed back through time to the prior experience again, if only briefly.
But last night I had a different thought. First some background: I believe God created Time, and therefore exists outside of it. I believe the spiritual realm is timeless. How that can be is not even remotely understood by me or anyone I've ever known, but surely that's because all of us humans are Time-Slaves. (Well, I say all of us, but I know that babies and young children are not slaves to Time, and neither are certain "ill" among us, suffering from Alzheimer's and the like.) If God is outside of Time, then he sees the beginning, the middle, and the end as if it were all one, right? Because without Time, events are not sequential.
So here's my newest thought: perhaps music and emotions are not vehicles by which we can travel back through Time. Perhaps they are holes in the fabric of Time, through which we can taste of God's world, the spiritual realm.
And dreams, too. Maybe dreams are holes in Time: how many dreams do you have that randomly mix in people and places from the present with people and places from the past, that seemingly have no connections to one another?
When Jesus began his public ministry, at age 30, was he able to step in and out of Time at will? Was that the secret to his miracles, the same miracles he promised that his followers would be able to do with a little faith? Is it possible that we have within our minds or our spirits, the tools necessary to perform miracles, if only we knew how to use them? Are they "miracles" to us because we are so entrenched in sequentialing everything?
According to the laws of Time, if a man dies, he is dead, that is the end of his life. But if the past (he is alive), the present (he is dead), and the future (he stays dead) are all one, then he is nevertheless still alive on some level, right?
Similarly, if the waves were calm an hour ago, and turbulent right now, then in the realm outside of Time, the waves are still calm right now; both calm and turbulent simultaneously. Perhaps deciding to focus on the calm waves and to disregard the turbulent waves is enough, and the waves are suddenly calm in the present Time again. Faith... I don't know what I'm saying, but there's something in the idea, no doubt.
MOVIE
"Catch and Release", released 2006.
This movie was okay. The plot grappled with some heavy themes while still trying to keep it light, so I didn't find it too convincing. I thought Kevin Smith was amazing, though.
MOVIE
"While You Were Sleeping", released 1995.
A Christmas tradition for nearly 10 years now, this is one of my Alltime Favorite Movies. If you need a little help getting into the Christmas spirit, this film will put a smile on your face and a glow in your heart. And it's funny, too.
MOVIE
"The Illusionist", released 2006.
Plot was awesome, main character was not. Edward Norton weighed down an otherwise superb cast, and his lackluster performance was the only flaw in this movie. You know who would have been perfect as Eisenheim the Illusionist??
Liam Neeson. O well.
November 28, 2007
MOVIE
One Night with the King, released 2006.
I never saw this in the theatres, but wanted to see Luke Goss play a king. I think he did well, though trying to act with Omar Sharif standing beside you has to be a nightmare. The story was sweet and well-told, being based on the biblical account of Esther. Here is an interesting interview with Luke Goss about the movie; one thing I did not know what that this movie was the second time since Lawrence of Arabia that Omar Sharif and Peter O'Toole have appeared together in the same film.
PROJECT
Children's Healthcare of Atlanta
My team at work participated in a Christmas tree charity, where the trimmings all go to sick kiddies. I made four pairs of booties: pink, blue, yellow, and camo.
PHOTO
Noah Carson Freeman, My Nephew
A boy and his dog...
November 15, 2007
THOUGHT
Focusing on Your Strengths
I went to college with two girls, Grace and Sophia, who both majored in piano. Grace was a methodical, hard worker, who practiced piano 4 hours a day, from 8am to noon, five days a week. She would walk into the lunchroom and her little fingers would be red and swollen and weak. Sophia, on the other hand, was very undisciplined, and did not practice every day, and when she did practice, it was never for 4 hours in one sitting. Towards the end of college, they both participated in a citywide piano competition and I will never forget what happened. Grace practiced until she was blue in the face, Sophia waited till the last minute to even learn the music. But on the day of the competition, it was Sophia who took first place.
The lesson I learned that day was this: if I truly want perfection in some area of my life, I'm going to have to start with at least a modicum of talent.
In other words, practice makes someone's strength perfect.
I want you to think about the way our society today molds children, starting in elementary and going all the way through high school: a child spends each day learning 6 or 7 different subjects in school. If the child is weak in a certain area, he is made to spend extra time improving. If he is strong in a certain area, he gets a good grade and that's the end of it.
What would happen if the teacher were to say, "Johnny, you are really good in science and really bad in history. Let's just drop history from your curriculum altogether, and accelerate your science learning." No, teachers would never do that, and even sitting here, you all think that sounds crazy, right? Why does it sound crazy? Is it because we think of grade school as the means to introduce a person to the same areas of learning that everyone else is being introduced to, so that everyone can have a foundation of knowledge upon which to build a more specialized education in college?
So let's talk about that, let's talk about college: you still have a set of core courses, even in college, for a liberal arts education. So the first 2 years of a 4 year degree are basically an extension of high school. Then you choose a major, and for 2 years you study the breadth of that major and then graduate. You do not study the depth of that subject unless you go on to graduate school, which most of us do not do. So the totality of your education, 16 years of study, includes 14 years of attempts to improve what was probably SEVERAL weaknesses, and 2 years to meagerly build on one particular strength. That's less than 13% of your education spent focusing on a strength.
Thus, it can be concluded that instead of truly building on our strengths, the best that schooling can do is to elevate us to the status of "Jack of all trades, Master of none".
I bring you back again to Grace and Sophia. If you divide up the total number of hours spent between the two of them on practicing for that competition, it's possible that over 85% of that time goes to Grace, and less than 15% of that time goes to Sophia. Yet Sophia's end product was superior.
Now, suppose the division was reversed. If Sophia had spent 85% of that practice time, we might actually have another Mozart.
And suppose Johnny, who's still in school and really good at science, was able to drop the subjects that he's no good at, and focus the bulk of his learning on science. We might actually have another Einstein.
MOVIE
"Idiocracy", released 2006.
This was a great movie. The premise is that an average man today wakes up 500 years in the future to find that "Uhmerica" is so dumb that he is now the smartest man alive. What is scary is that many of what were supposed to be "outrageous" characters with outrageously dumb vocabularies were familiar. And yes, there is a lot of sexual content --innuendo, reference, signage-- but I felt that if John Milton could see our America today, right now, he would be seeing the same thing. We just live in the midst of it and so are pretty calloused.
What impacted me most was the theme that vocabulary is intrinsically connected to the world of ideas, to thought-processes, to strategy. I don't know how it happens, but when we think, we use our mother tongue to do so, even inside our heads. It would stand to reason that knowing our language better will facilitate thinking as well. We usually imagine that words are the last facet of thought: we use the words when we want the thought to be communicated to someone else. But I think it's the other way around: we use words to first formulate the thought, and then we let the words escape in order to communicate.
We often hear a person say, "I know what I mean, but I can't explain it." I don't believe that: I don't think you know what you mean if you don't know how to explain it, because the same words you would use to tell me about it are the words you would use internally to think about it and understand it yourself. Intuition, Impressions and Feelings do not equal understanding until you can shape them linguistically.
BOOK
"The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostovo.
This was a big book. Kostovo writes superbly in this psychological thriller about modern-day encounters with Dracula. I could not put the book down, and invested heavily in finishing it due to its size, but unfortunately the ending was poorly done. It was like waiting a year to see David Tennant play Hamlet at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, and then when the day came, he called in sick. I think Kostovo is setting herself up for a sequel, but I am one reader who will not humor her a second time.
November 7, 2007
MUSIC
Enya: "How Can I Keep from Singing?"
My life goes on in endless song
above earth's lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
that hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear it's music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?
While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness 'round me close,
songs in the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
how can I keep from singing?
When tyrants tremble in their fear
and hear their death knell ringing,
when friends rejoice both far and near
how can I keep from singing?
In prison cell and dungeon vile
our thoughts to them are winging,
when friends by shame are undefiled
how can I keep from singing?
November 3, 2007
THOUGHT
Dr. Miller, my university Lit professor, used to say that he never got bored, even when listening to something as uninteresting as the monotonous exegesis of the book of Numbers, because he could always think. "Boredom," he always said, "is the sign of a shallow mind."
October 27, 2007
THOUGHT
Death and Funerals
Having attended two funerals in the last two days, I am consumed with thoughts of death and related subjects. For the record, death has never frightened me; rather the opposite, I have always been fascinated with the puzzle. I will talk about death with anyone who listens (which makes me an instant hit at parties...).
Why do we send flowers to a funeral? It's almost as if we are trying to smother life's ugliness with the very symbol of fertility, life, health, and beauty. In the face of cold, pallid, grey death, we surround ourselves with warm, vivid, colorful life.
We tend to imagine that the only folks waiting for us in heaven are our deceased loved ones, and Jesus. But is it possible that everyone up there is waiting on us? Is it possible that when we close our eyes here, our eyes are opened to our spiritual family, many of whom may not have been our earthly contemporaries?
Here's a thought: suppose that when Satan jumped from Grace originally, way way back, and a third of the angels went with him, that he suggested that those angels still faithful to God were bullied into their obedience, that if they were truly given a no-strings-attached decision, they too would choose to follow Satan. Suppose God decided to test Satan's theory by creating Earth and allowing each angel to live it's life on earth in ignorance, and out of ignorance to make a true choice between God or Satan. Suppose God hides himself so that we do not remember who he really is. And we make our choice. At death, our eyes are opened to the Real World and our memory returns, and our choice is inexorably made. What rejoicing there is in heaven when one soul repents! Another brother proven true and destined to join the fold again soon. And when he sheds his house of clay and rises up to embrace his destiny, we ought rejoice as well.
But life is bittersweet. Nothing is ever 100% sweetness: heaven's gain is our loss, and sometimes life seems to drag on interminably for the rest of us here. We are still stuck in Time, and Gravity, and Reciprocity, with one less soulmate to lean on.
Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
October 21, 2007
PROJECT
Earrings #3
"Diana"
Earrings #4
"Palisades"
Earrings #5
"Ophelia"
Earrings #6
"Ancient Mariner"
THOUGHT
House of Clay
I regarded myself in a mirror. For all its complexities and miraculuous workings, it is still a crude clay body, especially when compared to the spiritual being housed within. I considered how the angels must marvel to look at me: this isn't just a house, it's a temple. God lives in here too. I touched my cheek, my hair, and considered that my spirit is actually fused together with this shell in a sort of symbiotic relationship. Each can affect the other, for better or worse. And both are limited. I finally understand why the Bible prohibits our making statues of God, even when we make them with the best of intentions: to put God into a physical form is to limit him, to try to whittle him down into something which fits inside our physical world. This is blasphemy. Think of the Sistine Chapel, of the painting of "God and Adam" that Michaelangelo created, and you will see how that idea of God is unutterably limited, even though a picture is worth a thousand words.
And yet, we have Jesus. God incarnate. The glory of the Father in a body of clay. No wonder the angels were astounded! no wonder the angels couldn't stop singing! That baby in the manger is beyond comprehension, even to the angels. I have a feeling that, once I'm back home in heaven, we will still be talking about this and trying to figure it out. How much did Jesus know? and how long did it take him to figure it out? Did he set aside everything to come through the chute, all slimy and tiny and powerless? Did he have amnesia too? Did he have to learn how Time works, and Gravity, and Reciprocity? Or did he already remember these things? Why did he choose to die at age 33? Three is the number of God, but why not live to be 333, which would have been a more perfect number? or 77? I know he was fulfilling prophecy, but wasn't he originally responsible for what the prophets wrote? So he could have had history written out however he liked.
So many questions to be answered, yet evidently the answers are not relevant in this life, because we won't be finding out while we are alive and well on Planet Earth.
October 7, 2007
THOUGHT
A Smouldering Passion
I have an eternal love for that fiery ball in the sky, commonly called the Sun. I look forward to his rising every day, to the tingle on my skin when he shines directly on me, to the brilliance that drives away all shadows. When I am away from him, I approximate his presence with lamps and candles and overhead lighting (yes, all in the same room). I even wonder sometimes if he may be a physical manifestation of God. Yet, for all my passion, I cannot bear to look at him! I can gaze with delight on those lesser lights--the Moon, the stars, the planets--with no ill effect, but to gaze at the Sun would blind me.
Bittersweet.
PROJECT
Cable Scarf
It's growing, slowly...
Pink Scarf
I finally finished a project. I know, a real shocker!
MOVIES
I.Q., Released 1994.
I am a romantic comedy junkie, but this movie was a disaster. Not romantic, and not funny. Meg Ryan is a lot like Ben Stiller: a one-trick pony. Walter Matthau did well, though, as Albert Einstein.
Double Jeopardy, Released 1999.
A mildly entertaining, mildly suspenseful movie. Ashley Judd is both talented and beautiful, so I don't regret seeing this film. My main criticism of the plot is that there were too many years packed into too little playing time and so the whole movie felt a bit rushed, with only the barest efforts put forth towards developing relationships. Not a movie I would want to see again.
THOUGHT
Hide-and-Go-Seek
In my recent Bible readings (trying to reach my year-end goals), I have stumbled upon an interesting concept that I suppose I never saw before: God likes to play hide-and-seek.
Isaiah 45.15 says: "Verily thou art a God that hideth thyself, O God of Israel, the Saviour." And then we find several famous verses advising us to "seek" the Lord:
--Deuteronomy 4.29: "But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul."
--I Chronicles 28.9: "And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever."
--Jeremiah 29.11-13: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."
--Matthew 7.7-8: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find,; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for everyone that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened."
--Matthew 13.45-46: "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: who, when he had found one of grat price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it."
--Hebrews 11.6: "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
So what are we to make of all this running around and hiding? My first thoughts go back to being a kid and loving the game. I always wanted to be the one to hide, right? What a thrill to think my big brother and all his cool friends are actually spending time looking for ME! (And then what a huge let-down to find out they really weren't; it was just a trick to try to get rid of me... )
And then I try to make some correlation with my adult life. Think about when someone you respect, maybe someone you think doesn't even know you are alive, comes boldly towards you one day saying, "Hey Jenni, there you are, I have been looking everywhere for you!" Assuming you are not in trouble, this can be a very satisfying moment, self-validating, confidence-building, even. You mean that person was thinking of me of their own initiative? You mean they thought of me when I wasn't around, and then purposely ordered their steps to come find me? You mean it wasn't a case of stimulus-response (i.e., "there's Jenni, that reminds me to ask her something")??
My thoughts travel on. There is a half-formed idea in my mind, it is so ethereal that it continuously shifts out of my perceptual reach as I try to focus, like mist on the waters with a slight morning breeze. Imagine that your otherworldly history involves knowing God intimately, and looking down on the earth with wonder, like the angels do. Imagine being approached by beauty and light itself, and asked if you want to experience life on earth. You say yes, no hesitation, and the next thing you know, you are coming out of the chute all slimy, and tiny, and powerless, and...and... Like an amnesiac, there is something huge you know you can't remember. You grow up, and you get so used to that nagging feeling that you really don't feel it anymore. Until one day, you read something in the Bible and your spirit awakens with a jolt! Everything in you responds, like a cat who's ears are trained forward in overwhelming alertness, ready to pounce on that something, drawing as close to it as you can. But it disappears, it has eluded you. But that's okay, because now you are brought again to full awareness that there is something you can't remember, and you spend the rest of your life on earth searching for it.
When do you realize it is God you are seeking? And then, when do you find him?
Maybe God reveals himself in little doses. I have had a thousand "little doses" in my brief life so far--I call them Epiphanies. They are pieces of the puzzle, and since I don't know what the finished picture looks like, they are quite puzzling. :)
One day I went to Cracker Barrel to have breakfast with my mom. The place was packed, and the sunlight was streaming in through the windows, illuminating the soft, mohair-like heads of all the old ladies across the entire room. I got one glimpse that day, it only lasted a second, but it drew hard tears against my will, and does so even today when I think about it. Imagine the most beautiful thing you can think of: I don't mean diamonds and gold and precious stones. I mean, crystal-clear flowing waters to a man dying of thirst, the scent of freedom to a life-sentenced prisoner, tall swaying emerald-green trees to a man blind from birth, and the sound of leaves rustling and children laughing to a deaf man. Whatever you can imagine as the pinnacle of beauty, I saw something unbelievably better. As far as the heavens are above the earth, that's how much better what I saw compares to your vision of beauty. Now you are curious, nay, intrigued. What is it you saw, Jenni? What?? What???
Calm down, I shall tell you. But not today. No, it's not "God". Maybe you will find it on your own, if you keep thinking, keep looking. Play a little hide-and-go-seek with me...
September 18, 2007
PHOTOS
Noah Carson Freeman, My Nephew
Noah at the Braves game.
PHOTOS
My Trip to Waikiki on the Island of Oahu, in the State of Hawaii
Rodney and I on the west coast (not sure where exactly).
Royal Hawaiian, the best hotel in Waikiki (and the pinkest).
View from hotel room of Waikiki and Diamond Head in the background.
View from Diamond Head towards Waikiki.
View of Sunset Beach, commonly called the North Shore. The big waves don't come until November...
OBITUARY
Bo
Wish you could have been there...
MOVIE
"Away From Her", released 2006.
I watched this movie on the flight back from Hawaii, and yes, I cried in public. The story was so sweet and sorrowful, as it details a couple's painful transition into assisted living for the wife, who has Alzheimer's. I must say this is one of the best love stories I have seen in years. There was also a part of me that related in a very personal way: I watched my grandmother succumb to Alzheimer's, and watched as I (and more painfully, my mother) quietly slipped from her memory entirely, while her body lingered behind for several more years... Anyway, a movie I would heartily recommend.
September 4, 2007
RESOLUTION
New Goals for the Year
Having completed CPCU and getting my conferment trip out of the way next week, I am faced with no major goals and still three and a half months of the year remaining. Thus, after much deliberation, I have remedied that situation.
Goal #1: I have decided to pursue a second designation, the ChFC (Chartered Financial Consultant), which requires that I pass eight exams. If I can pass all eight by August 31, 2008, I will be eligible for a free trip to the conferment site, wherever that may be (the location announcement will be made this November). So, I am going to attempt 2 of the 8 exams this year. My first exam is scheduled for September 27.
Goal #2: In January of 2004, I started reading the Bible from the beginning. I have kept up with my progress since then, and I lack just a little more, the finishing of which I feel worthy of corralling into a formally posted goal to increase the urgency in applying myself. If I can read the books listed below, I will have read through the Bible in 4 years, a little mediocre but a feat nonetheless:
1. Isaiah (I'm about halfway through this one now)
2. Jeremiah
3. Job
4. Ezekiel
5. Daniel
6. Micah
7. Nahum
8. Habakkuk
9. Zephaniah
10. Haggai
11. Zechariah
12. Malachi
13. John
14. Revelation
15. Lamentations
Based on the fact that there are 66 books in the Bible and reading 52 of them has taken me over 3.5 years (which averages to a little over 1 book per month), the above list may seem somewhat ambitious to complete in 4 months. But I have a reading plan in place, if I can but stick to it...
September 3, 2007
MOVIE
"Feast of July", released 1995
I meant to watch this movie in July, but time got away from me and now it is finally September, my favorite month. The movie is heralded as being "one of the best films of the year" and I believe it has the ingredients of greatness, truly, but I don't think it was quite cooked right.
The camera follows Bella, a young woman who was jilted before the wedding day even arrived, who had her lover's baby stillborn, and who begins to make a new life for herself in a new town. After a lot of filler scenes, she finally becomes engaged to a young man who is prone to emotional extremes (may be bipolar) and who, upon being taunted by the original lover, flies into a jealous rage and kills the man. He then turns himself in and is hanged, and Bella leaves town pregnant with his child, and looking like her story will be repeated elsewhere.
You can see how this plot line could make a wonderful movie, but the magic is missing somewhere. The heroine, Bella, barely says 10 words throughout the 2-hour film, sort of in the tradition of "Girl with a Pearl Earring". But what differentiates the two movies, what makes one a blockbuster and the other obscure, is that the audience never makes that crucial identification with Bella, never cultivates true empathy and relationship with her, never truly roots for her success. And the reason for that is that one never quite knows where she stands: is she a sympathetic character? we don't know because she doesn't speak and she doesn't give anything away in either her expression or her choices or her journal, nothing. She has a poker face. At times through the movie I would think, "maybe she's an evil little witch", so I would withhold my sympathies for her, thinking the movie was leading towards revealing her as such. And before I knew it, the end was there and I'm still not sure what to think of her.
QUOTE
Charles W. Eliot
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends;
they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors,
and the most patient of teachers.
PROJECT
Cable Scarf
True to my nature, I have begun a new project without finishing the old (Diamond Mesh sweater--I got bored!)...
August 31, 2007
MISSIONARY
Bruce Olsson in Colombia
My dear friend and missionary, Bruce Olsson, had this to say in a recent letter:
As a missionary among the Motilones, a native people in the jungles of South America, I had been encouraged by their sincerity during a river baptism ceremony.
A few months later, I visited a Colombian hospital with Jorge Kaymiyokba, one of the Motilones at the baptism. We learned that a Motilone woman there had just given birth and lost much blood. She needed an immediate transfusion.
The doctor knew that all Motilones share the same blood type. "It's a good thing you brought a Motilone," he said to me in Spanish. "I'll start preparations for taking his blood." When I translated the doctor's words, Kaymiyokba's face paled. "No, you're not going to do that," he said.
"Kaymiyokba, if you don't give your blood, this woman will die," I said. "I can't do it. I have a different blood type."
Kaymiyokba put his head down. "I don't want to," he said. "I can't! I have too many things to do in this life." I didn't understand his selfish attitude. Kaymiyokba sat down. Finally, he said in a somber voice, "All right. I will give my blood."
Soon, Kaymiyokba was watching with a strange mixture of sadness and contentment as a nurse plunged a needle into his arm and began extracting his blood. Then he looked up.
"Tell me," he said, "When am I going to die?"
Suddenly I understood Kaymiyokba's reluctance--he thought I wanted him to give his life! Incredibly, in a matter of minutes, he had made the decision to sacrifice himself so that another could live. I realized then that his decision at the river was not mere lip service. He intended to follow the example of Christ with all his heart and mind, no matter what the cost.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13
August 24, 2007
PHOTO
Noah Carson Freeman, My Nephew
Toothy Grin
August 16, 2007
MOVIE
"Becoming Jane", Released 2007
This is the story of how Jane Austen embarked on her career as a novelist. The movie starts like a trite and simplistic child's melody, but don't be discouraged! It soon grows into a beautiful and complex symphony of ideas and emotions, with a moment of sweet, sweet sweetness. The ending is Bittersweet, but so also is the very Essence of Life. Is it not, dear friend?
We want what we do not have, and when we finally get it, our desire fades. What, then, is the cure for these bitter traces? To try to avoid the thing we want most, so as to go on wanting it forever, our minds constantly fingering those brief memories, which time and conscience are apt to bathe in the false light of perfection? No, this method only serves to increase our frustration and self-absorption. Perhaps instead we can choose to stamp out the heart's urgings at the merest whisper of desire, and thus remain immune to that telltale taste of bitterness. Yet there is some flaw in this method as well: it precludes sweetness. Surely numbness is not what God intended for us!
I believe there is no cure for bittersweetness. The only thing we can do is relish its taste. We cannot have sweet without bitter, and bitter isn't bad really, just different. Bitter means selfless, bitter means sacrifice, bitter means faith and hope--all elements of true character. No, there is no solution, no way around it, no shortcut. I guess we just continue to LIVE: riding each wave as it comes, thanking God for the sunshine, and thanking God for the rain.
And like most readers, I do prefer dialogue to soliloquy...
August 14, 2007
QUOTE
Paradise Lost, by John Milton
The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n. (Book 1, lines 254-255)
PROJECT
Earrings #2
I call this pair "Rosary".
PROJECT
Earrings #1
I call this pair "The Mango Ate Your Baby".
THOUGHT
God and Mammon
For those of you who are Biblically challenged, "mammon" means money. The Bible says "you cannot serve God and mammon", and Jesus says "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." One of the most famous verses in the New Testament says "the love of money is the root of all evil."
Why, then, are some Christian churches out there proclaiming that it is God's will for his children to be wealthy? They go so far as to emphatically insist that if you are not wealthy, if you are having any kind of financial difficulties for any reason, then you have either fallen from Grace or have never been saved to begin with. The reasonable man will see this suggestion as completely absurd, especially in the light of the millions in 3rd world countries (and even in America) who are definitely not wealthy. And the nominally thoughtful Christian will also see this as ridiculous, especially in the light of those Bible verses I quoted.
But forget for a moment, if you will, the starving Africans and the Word of God, and let's examine the root cause of this diametrical opposition: why is wealth pretty universally looked upon as the antithesis of spirituality? The answer, I believe, lies in the idea of Power. Men who struggle and strive and sweat and burn to accumulate wealth are not doing it because of the dollar itself, but because of what the dollar represents: Power, pure and simple. But men who struggle and strive and sweat and burn to purify themselves and to find out who God really is and what it really means to live for Him are in the process of daily eschewing Power. One man grasps Power, the other lets it go. So you can see how it would be mighty difficult to do both simultaneously.
Of course, the truly spiritual man does gain power, but it is not his own, and he ever remains keenly aware of that.
NOTE: August 21,2007
Now don't misinterpret my sentiment here. Understand that this thought is incomplete, as to be complete would take more words than I would truly wish to write. I do not believe that if you are wealthy, you are of necessity "not spiritual". I also do not believe that if a man works hard day after day and becomes increasingly successful as a result, he must also be losing his spirituality. Money is not the root of all evil, only the LOVE of money is. So to live and breathe for the goal of adding to your coffers is what I consider diametrically opposed to spirituality. But if a man accumulates wealth as a byproduct of some other worthy goal, he may still be spiritual, right? So the assertion of my original diatribe was merely this: that a man's LACK of wealth makes no comment on his spirituality, good or bad.
August 5, 2007
PROJECT
Diamond Mesh: Started 07-10-07
I have officially completed the back of this top.
I used over 300 yards of yarn for this portion: the length of THREE football fields!
July 31, 2007
THOUGHT
On Becoming an Adult
A friend of mine recently asked me this question: "When do I start feeling like an adult?" Bear in mind, this lady has a very good job, owns her own home, is in her mid-thirties, is married, and now is pregnant with her first child.
The question took me off guard, because I realized that I do feel like an adult, although I can't pinpoint the moment I left childhood. I began to consider other friends and family members, and wondered how many of them still do not feel like adults. Some people surely die in their 70's and never feel like they grew up. What makes some people view themselves as adults, while others in the same position still view themselves as children, or as half-adults?
After much thought, I think the answer is this: To feel like you are an adult, you must begin to act like you are an adult. That means doing what's best and not what you want the most. That means saying no to yourself sometimes. It means being your own parent instead of letting your real parents, or the world, or your boss, or your spouse, or your kids for that matter, decide your fate.
If you act like an adult, you will become an adult.
NOTE: August 21, 2007
I have had several friends comment after reading this thought that they do not feel like adults. But some of these friends are very responsible pillars of the community. How can this be? After some consideration, I believe that feeling like an adult may have a lot more to do with our personality temperaments than I previously thought. Consider the iNtuitives (INFJ's like me, or any other "N" variable of personality types), who are geared towards independent thought and have no qualms about changing the norms whenever necessary, and juxtapose them with the Sensors (the "S" variable), who value custom and tradition most in this world. Interestingly enough, most of my friends who look like very responsible adults yet feel like children playing house seem to possess personality types of the "S" persuasion. Perhaps they feel more like obedient children than independent adults because they have never broken away from their obligations to society in favor of doing their own thing. Just a thought, are there any others?
July 27, 2007
THOUGHTS
The Passage of Time
Time marches inexorably on, regardless of our activities in the meantime.
Einstein was right about the relativity of time: sometimes the hours drag, sometimes you wonder where the weeks went.
Time passes slowly when the mind yearns for one thing but must focus on another.
Summertime: the mind looks to the sky, the sun, the outdoors but must focus on the office.
The Sanctity of Life
I've been watching a TV show called "The First 48", in which the camera follows a team of homicide detectors through the first 48 hours after a homicide. The plot is not scripted, nor is the footage edited in such a way as to give a twist at the end. It's just the real, true unfolding of events, and it is fascinating. During one show, the killer was in custody confessing to the crime. Through his tears and angst, he choked out that he only meant to scare the victim with his gun, and when he fired it, he hadn't expected the victim to die. "It was such a little bullet, a tiny little bullet."
It is too easy a thing -- physically -- to kill a person.
That is why we must protect the sanctity of life.
Make it an easy thing -- mentally -- to kill a person, and we are lost.
Retro-Prayer
I saw my friend in the parking lot at lunchtime, and realized I had meant to pray for him the last 2 hours as he was having an important interview, but I forgot all about it. So as I was walking towards him, I prayed back through the past, that God would give him the right answers in the interview, would give him calm and confidence, would impress his value upon the minds of his superiors.
Of course, that got me thinking. Does retro-prayer work? Why wouldn't it? God is outside of time, he made time, so surely he has no problem bending it, right?
And that thought got me thinking about time in general. What the heck is it?? We humans are so obsessed with order and chronology, so instictively afraid of chaos, which is what we think life without time would be. And yet we don't think of God as chaotic. Maybe it just proves how one-dimensional we are, how rigid and flat. Thinking about travelling in time blows most of our minds so much, that thinking about travelling without time is simply nonsensical. I guess because the very notion of travel includes time of necessity: there is a duration in our idea of travel, and duration equals time.
So maybe time is more about enduring. When God created the world, he spoke and it came into existence. There was no delay, there was no duration between command and result. When Jesus commanded the storm to cease, he spoke and it stopped, just like that. Maybe the true indicator of real power is the time it takes between command and obedience.
I command my fingers to type these words, and speaking really just gets in the way, because as soon as the thought is formed, the fingers start pecking at the keys. I have more power over my fingers than anyone else does. Is that because my fingers are an intregal part of me? We really form a cohesive team, not two separate entities trying to reign over each other.
Perhaps that's how God wants us to relate to him: to be an intregal part of him, so tied into his thoughts that he has but to begin to think it, and I'm already obeying.
June 18, 2007
PHOTO
Noah Carson Freeman, My Nephew
4th Birthday
May 2, 2007
OBITUARY
Uncle David
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as You.
April 29, 2007
OBITUARY
Dr. Lee Roberson, President Emeritus, Tennessee Temple University
Good night, sweet prince,
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
