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Books, Books, Books

May 31, 2008

I did some discouraging math this weekend. Assuming I will only be granted my 75 years down here on Planet Earth, I've only got 37 years left. Exactly half of my life has been lived already. And now I face the prospect of a mountain of books that I will not have time to read. If I read 1 book a month for the rest of my life, that would only be 12 books a year, for a total of 444 books by year 75. This is really depressing, especially in light of the fact that the Library of Congress houses more than 32 MILLION books. How in the world am I supposed to know which 444 of those books would be the best for me to read??

This quandry has led me to purge my bookshelves. I've removed over 100 books from my library in the last week as I've pulled each one from the shelf, read the cover, and made a determination on its value. I've never before felt that I had to be discriminating about a novel. It's quite depressing, really: not that I am made to face my own mortality--who cares about death? I can't wait to die and shed this skin--but rather that when I'm back in heaven with my soulmates and we reminisce about the glories of our Great Adventure, I will have to admit that I squandered much of the first half of my life reading a lot of insignificant material instead of researching the great thinkers of history and getting to know this world better from Earth's side of the glass.

But hold on here, I may be getting down for no reason. I remember a science project in junior high that I put off till the very last minute and then realized I'd run out of time. I remember regretting the fun I'd had in the days and weeks prior to the deadline, reading some science fiction novel or other instead of trying to understand the difference between ethanol and gasoline. But as I look back on it now, I think I probably learned more about the true meaning of the universe from my dalliances than I would have from studying alternative fuels.

One of my more recently developed core principles is a refusal to regret the past. Everything that has happened, even things I may be ashamed of, needed to happen to get me to where I am today. So even though I've read a lot of useless romance novels with Fabio on the cover (yes, I admit it), there's a lesson from that somehow that has added meaning to my life, even if only to teach me the shallow capriciousness of desire. I'm realizing that I truly do believe in the idea of an intrinsic value in everything, meaning that no matter how bad or negative or empty a thing or person or situation may seem, there is value somewhere in it that can be used to add meaning to our lives.

Maybe Dr. Miller didn't have fewer books because so many are empty or useless; maybe he simply realized how long it takes to read a book and how few hours and days and years truly make up this time we label our "life".

Geographies of the Mind

May 25, 2008

In the poem by John O'Donohue, quoted below on 27 January 2008, the poet refers to geographies of the mind. He is paraphrasing Aristotle, who referred to maps of thought. I am just beginning to understand what that means. I have correlated the idea to my reading and comprehension of the Bible. I can read a verse at age 10, age 20, age 30, and age 40, and all four times, the verse has a completely different meaning, especially if I did not at all read or remember the verse in the interim years of each decade.

The reason for this change in meaning is that each new experience I taste creates a new way of thinking, no matter how slight or trivial the new difference may be. And if I continue to use this new mental footpath, by building upon the original experience with additional similar experiences, it soon becomes a road, and then a highway, with multitudinous new footpaths started on either side for miles and miles, and many of these footpaths become roads become highways, and one day, if I keep on building, I may eventually cover the span of my little gray brain!

They say that the average person uses a small percentage of his brain. Perhaps it is even worse in the modern-day West because of our preoccupation with entertainment at the expense of growth.

Perhaps the difference in one person's ability to learn new things quickly and easily versus another person's inability to do so is the ease at which the former can build new mental roads. And what determines this ease? Perhaps early development: exposure to science fiction at a young age teaches a child that there are a vast array of alternatives and possibilities, that really nothing can be taken as solid, unchangeable truth.

Here I can feel the condemnation from certain saintly individuals reading this now, because to them, if you can't rely on the infallibility of the Bible, or the constancy of God, then our faith is vain. But mark the difference here: I am not questioning either the inerrancy of the Bible or the immutability of God; I believe in both with all my heart, mind and soul! Rather, I am questioning our perceptions of those two divine certainties.

Each of us has a unique perception of spiritual things. Agreeing with that supposition is the first step toward making new footpaths. The second step is to try on some of these uniquely different perceptions, holding back that Pharisaical survival instinct to yell "Blasphemy!" and shoot down any other avenue of truth as coming from the pit of hell.

So often we shut down our own reason, because if Reason were allowed to weigh and consider, it might find someone else's perception of the same truth to be useful and good, maybe even better than our original. And so a footpath is created that becomes a road becomes a highway, and runs at a slight but definite trajectory away from our original...

But back to that 40-year reading of the same verse. I used to call this phenomenon "the peeling of an onion": no matter what the verse says today, it will say something different next year, as I accept one truth and am then open to the presentation of another, deeper truth. But I think that metaphor is much poorer than my new "geographies" one--it's just that the old one is so easy to say succintly and with almost universal understanding.

However, God instructs us to study his word, to meditate on it day and night, not to read it once every few years. And perhaps that's the key to meditation: turning a truth over and over in our minds until, like a prism, it splinters the light into an array of layered colors, truth upon truth upon truth, and that verse becomes a major intersection in our mind, with innumerable footpaths beckoning us to travel each of them in a different new direction.

And if I want my gray matter to become a huge metropolis, I need to add new experiences that will create footpaths that are useful and good. The bulk of my "new experience" source material comes from books and movies and discussions with other people. Thus, I need to pare down my source material into what is going to be useful and good, not merely entertaining. Many books and movies are entertaining but empty, which is just a candy-coated form of evil.

I remember going to my university English professor's home in my early twenties. I was shocked to discover that he only had about 200 books in his big old house--I guess I had been expecting that someone who loves literature like I did, and had a lot more money than I did, would spend his money on nothing BUT books! I did not understand it at the time, but now I think it may have been because Dr. Miller understood that source material must be both good and useful, and he had been able to eliminate a lot of reading material that didn't meet either of those objectives.

I have read so many useless books and seen so many useless movies in my short life thus far. Entertainment in and of itself is no longer alluring.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

March 30, 2008

People are like marshmallows. If they are squeezed, they don't diminish, they just escape out the sides. We never become less than who we are, we never just go away, disappear, dissolve. We simply find new outlets of expression.

...

Imagine being in a play at school. You walk up on stage in your make-shift Shakespearean outfit, complete with the big crazy aristocratic feather swaying on the side of your velvety hat. The stage is set with props fit for a Danish prince: golden goblets, luxurious pillows scattered on the floor, silken banners hanging from the walls, and a massive and ornately carved stone throne (that is actually made of styrofoam and silver spray paint).

Imagine the sweet child who, after watching the play, rushes onstage and begs to have one of those golden goblets. He actually thinks it is real! You present him with not one, but two goblets, and smile indulgently as he shuffles off with his new treasure cradled in his arms. You wonder how long it will take him to discover that they are fakes.

Are not you and I, whilst alive in this physical world, the same as that child? When will we discover that everything around us is merely a stage prop? That the gold around our necks is worthless? That the vehicle we drive, and the house we live in, are illusions made of styrofoam and spray paint? That when we open our eyes and actually look around, every physical object our eye lands on has no value, no significance?

The only thing that matters is the human spirit; it is the only true object of worth that we own. We love to display our fake treasures to the world, yet we tend to keep our true wealth firmly hidden.

...

I often hear how the new Americans stole the land from the Native Americans. Sometimes the remarks are derogatory about the Indians: "they were so dumb that they sold their land for a handful of beads." Other times the remarks are meant to shame the New Americans: "they knew the value of that land, yet they fooled those poor Indians into trading the land for a fistful of beads and trinkets." But I can't help admiring a civilization that has a financial system so advanced that a relatively worthless representative item (like paper money) can be freely traded for goods and services. ...

And what about cash? Cash is King. Cash carries no surcharge, cash is off the grid, it is anonymous, it is what it is and it always works. It is the only perfectly liquid financial instrument. If you take cash to the car dealership, you walk away with a vehicle that is all yours, true and free, no strings attached, and you will spend less money in the end than if you financed that vehicle. Cash works at night when the banks are closed. Cash represents complete satisfaction in transactions: you never again have to revisit that purchase, either by paying off your credit card or by balancing your checkbook. Cash keeps you from overspending: you can only spend what is in your hand, so you tend to act a little more responsibly with your purchasing decisions. Cash keeps prices low: merchants do not pay transaction fees on cash receipts. Cash keeps the IRS at bay: waitresses and bellboys typically do not report cash tips. Cash (in small amounts) makes finders keepers every day: "find a penny, pick it up, all the day you'll have good luck."

With so many advantages to cash, why would anybody use a check or a debit or credit card? Well, precisely because the very strengths of cash are its weaknesses. Let's look at the other side of the coin (pun intended): if you lose cash, you have lost purchasing power. No one underwrites straight cash. But if you lose your American Express, you won't be out-of-pocket over the incident. Cash is also subject to inflation: if I have a can of cash buried in my back yard for 10 years, I lose purchasing power. But if that same cash is sitting securely in an interest-bearing savings account or even a U.S. Treasury bond, then after 10 years, my purchasing power will have kept up with rising prices. Cash is the foundation of a healthy financial trading system: simplistically speaking, if I keep all my money in the bank, that allows the bank to make money off short-term loans, and that extra money then allows the bank to pay higher salaries to its employees, one of whom may be my cousin, who can now afford to buy me better Christmas gifts. But if all of us kept our money in cash form in the closet, banks would close down, mortgage rates would explode, and the country would quickly spiral down into another Great Depression. Finally, cash is bulky. If I want to go on a $10,000 shopping spree, I surely don't want to walk through the mall with that kind of cash in my purse. It is much more convenient to carry a small plastic card. People are murdered every day for having just a few hundred dollars in their wallet.

So how can we tap into the advantages of cash without losing purchasing power or risking our lives? The obvious answer is moderation. Keep the bulk of your money in slightly-less-liquid instruments, such as bank accounts or money markets, and keep a little bit of cash out too. Since inflation is a gradual effect, pulling cash from your bank in small amounts on a weekly basis will not subject you to lost purchasing power, but it will allow you to tip your waitress under the table (pun intended), to help local businesses save money on transaction fees, and will keep you from getting stranded after hours or on holidays.

...

There is a man who is quiet and full of power, a trait the Bible calls meekness. He is my rock in times of hardship. He's my joy, my laughter, my heart. At barely middle age, he knows more about being a man than most of his elders. He protects me, respects me, comforts and cheers me. "Iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." He is gifted with strategy and observation, with an ability to connect obscure dots, with common sense and an unusual thirst for knowledge. He speaks the truth without fear and treats even his enemies with fairness. He wants to know God. He is abstract yet firmly grounded. He is my pride and my truest friend, the kind "who loved the pilgrim soul in you". He is my Anam Cara, my sunshine, the man I love above all others. He is my sweet husband.

Comfort

March 13, 2008

More than anything else, and mainly on a subconscious level, people want to be comforted.

The chocolate industry has greatly profited from this subtle yet powerful instinctive drive, as has the insurance industry, the political machine, and interior paint. It has touched virtually every area of social life and commerce. When we sit down at a favorite restaurant, we are mainly seeking comfort. When we choose a real estate agent, we are mainly seeking comfort. When we decide on a second date with someone, we are mainly seeking comfort. When we paint our kitchen, when we choose where to shop, when we buy life insurance, when we job-hunt, when we travel, when we get dressed in the morning--when we *do* anything, we do it out of a drive to comfort ourselves or a loved one.

In fact, as I try to envision one thing I've done in the last week that did not have comfort as a motivation, I cannot. I took a shower, because it comforted me. I went to work each day, because it comforts me to be in a routine that has a financial payoff. I watched American Idol, because relaxing in front of an entertaining show is comfortable. I emailed some friends, because it comforts me to comfort them. Even the most menial of tasks has comfort behind it somewhere. I washed the dishes, because seeing them piled on the counter is uncomfortable.

Many times we chase comfort at the expense of our health or well-being, because above all else, we crave comfort. And many times, we actually avoid certain activities because they increase our discomfort. The more I have thought about this, the more convinced I am that comfort is at the root of our entire existence. In fact, I challenge you to think of one thing you have done in the past week, month, or year, that has nothing to do with your comfort level or that of someone you care about.

Streets of Gold

March 2, 2008

Picture this: after a long and difficult life filled with pain, agony, and ceaseless struggling, you die. In an instant, you find your spirit-self walking through the pearly gates and into eternal heaven. As Saint Peter gives you the tour, you suddenly realize that the streets truly are made of gold, inlaid with gems and precious stones.

"Saint Peter," you say. "I cannot believe what I am seeing here! Do you know how much this road is worth? Here you are, surrounded with unspeakable wealth, and you are just walking around on this treasure. What a waste! If you were truly a Christian, you would get some heavy equipment up here to break apart this street and sell the pieces to give money to the poor and the hungry back on earth. But instead, you squander this wealth, living in obscene extravagance. This literally makes me sick to my stomach!" Close curtain.

Now doesn't that sound ridiculous? Yet people say that about America every day. Muslim extremists want to kill Americans for being so wealthy. But what is the difference between heaven and America? To the poorest 2 billion on this Earth, there is no difference. So why aren't people angry at heaven for being so luxurious?

In 1988, I met an exchange student from Argentina who was disgusted at how much food in America was wasted at the table every day. He would try to finish everyone else's meal, to avoid wasting precious nutrients, but he never could. There was just too much food around. We live in abundance here, and that's not likely to change any time soon. And that's the same predicament heaven is in. If you aren't upset that heavenly souls are treating gold like dirt, why be upset that Americans throw away extra food? If anybody should be found lacking, it's heaven. Heaven isn't faced with the logistical nightmare involved in spreading the wealth, it's not faced with crime and corruption, it's not faced with limited vision. Heaven's unequivocally got God on its side!

Yes, I know. The whole "streets of gold" thing is supposed to be a metaphor, right? Maybe. But remember what Jesus said:

Then Jesus six days before the passover came to Bethany, where Lazarus was which had been dead, whom he raised from the dead. There they made him a supper; and Martha served: but Lazarus was one of them that sat at the table with him.

Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.

Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, which should betray him, 'Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?' This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein.

Then said Jesus, 'Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always.'

Keep in mind the message here. I am not relieving anyone of the responsibility that comes with privelege: "give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee, turn thou not away." All I'm saying is that the folks who are quick to condemn Americans for wastefulness are simplistic, ignorant, or thoughtless and, if they don't judge heaven by the same standards, hypocritical as well.

Resolutions

January 1, 2008

Happy New Year! Praise be to God for the chance to live another day. As Frank Herbert so deftly points out in the opening lines of his masterpiece of science fiction, DUNE, "A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct." The movie DUNE paraphrases the line thusly: "A beginning is a very delicate time".

I believe this. Beginnings are fragile, mere threads of opportunity that require acute attention and care if they are to flourish into the woven fabrics of our past. Many people today are careless with their beginnings, ignorant of their fragility, like bulls in a china shop. And these same people will complain of their misfortunes as though others are responsible: Murphy's Law, the devil, my boss, etc. For shame!

Each day is a beginning, and the first day of the new year even more significant because of its rarity. Don't let this moment pass without choosing a beginning thread, and spinning it. Follow where it leadeth, let it change you.

"A person needs new experiences.
They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow.
Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens.
The sleeper must awaken."

About Time, Again

December 15, 2007

I've often considered music and emotions the two main avenues of time travel. When a song begins to play today that meant a lot to me 20 years ago, I take on the same viewpoint and attitudes I had as a teenager for the duration of the song. It's like I am immediately transported back to a point in the past, where those old thoughts and feelings, as well as a lot of sensory information, such as smells and sounds and what I was wearing, all become immediate, come rushing to the forefront of my consciousness. Emotions do something similar: when I feel a sensation that is a little out of the ordinary, but something I've felt before, I am rushed back through time to the prior experience again, if only briefly.

But last night I had a different thought. First some background: I believe God created Time, and therefore exists outside of it. I believe the spiritual realm is timeless. How that can be is not even remotely understood by me or anyone I've ever known, but surely that's because all of us humans are Time-Slaves. (Well, I say all of us, but I know that babies and young children are not slaves to Time, and neither are certain "ill" among us, suffering from Alzheimer's and the like.) If God is outside of Time, then he sees the beginning, the middle, and the end as if it were all one, right? Because without Time, events are not sequential.

So here's my newest thought: perhaps music and emotions are not vehicles by which we can travel back through Time. Perhaps they are holes in the fabric of Time, through which we can taste of God's world, the spiritual realm.

And dreams, too. Maybe dreams are holes in Time: how many dreams do you have that randomly mix in people and places from the present with people and places from the past, that seemingly have no connections to one another?

When Jesus began his public ministry, at age 30, was he able to step in and out of Time at will? Was that the secret to his miracles, the same miracles he promised that his followers would be able to do with a little faith? Is it possible that we have within our minds or our spirits, the tools necessary to perform miracles, if only we knew how to use them? Are they "miracles" to us because we are so entrenched in sequentialing everything?

According to the laws of Time, if a man dies, he is dead, that is the end of his life. But if the past (he is alive), the present (he is dead), and the future (he stays dead) are all one, then he is nevertheless still alive on some level, right?

Similarly, if the waves were calm an hour ago, and turbulent right now, then in the realm outside of Time, the waves are still calm right now; both calm and turbulent simultaneously. Perhaps deciding to focus on the calm waves and to disregard the turbulent waves is enough, and the waves are suddenly calm in the present Time again. Faith... I don't know what I'm saying, but there's something in the idea, no doubt.

Focusing on Your Strengths

November 15, 2007

I went to college with two girls, Grace and Sophia, who both majored in piano. Grace was a methodical, hard worker, who practiced piano 4 hours a day, from 8am to noon, five days a week. She would walk into the lunchroom and her little fingers would be red and swollen and weak. Sophia, on the other hand, was very undisciplined, and did not practice every day, and when she did practice, it was never for 4 hours in one sitting. Towards the end of college, they both participated in a citywide piano competition and I will never forget what happened. Grace practiced until she was blue in the face, Sophia waited till the last minute to even learn the music. But on the day of the competition, it was Sophia who took first place.

The lesson I learned that day was this: if I truly want perfection in some area of my life, I'm going to have to start with at least a modicum of talent.

In other words, practice makes someone's strength perfect.

I want you to think about the way our society today molds children, starting in elementary and going all the way through high school: a child spends each day learning 6 or 7 different subjects in school. If the child is weak in a certain area, he is made to spend extra time improving. If he is strong in a certain area, he gets a good grade and that's the end of it.

What would happen if the teacher were to say, "Johnny, you are really good in science and really bad in history. Let's just drop history from your curriculum altogether, and accelerate your science learning." No, teachers would never do that, and even sitting here, you all think that sounds crazy, right? Why does it sound crazy? Is it because we think of grade school as the means to introduce a person to the same areas of learning that everyone else is being introduced to, so that everyone can have a foundation of knowledge upon which to build a more specialized education in college?

So let's talk about that, let's talk about college: you still have a set of core courses, even in college, for a liberal arts education. So the first 2 years of a 4 year degree are basically an extension of high school. Then you choose a major, and for 2 years you study the breadth of that major and then graduate. You do not study the depth of that subject unless you go on to graduate school, which most of us do not do. So the totality of your education, 16 years of study, includes 14 years of attempts to improve what was probably SEVERAL weaknesses, and 2 years to meagerly build on one particular strength. That's less than 13% of your education spent focusing on a strength.

Thus, it can be concluded that instead of truly building on our strengths, the best that schooling can do is to elevate us to the status of "Jack of all trades, Master of none".

I bring you back again to Grace and Sophia. If you divide up the total number of hours spent between the two of them on practicing for that competition, it's possible that over 85% of that time goes to Grace, and less than 15% of that time goes to Sophia. Yet Sophia's end product was superior.

Now, suppose the division was reversed. If Sophia had spent 85% of that practice time, we might actually have another Mozart.

And suppose Johnny, who's still in school and really good at science, was able to drop the subjects that he's no good at, and focus the bulk of his learning on science. We might actually have another Einstein.

Boredom

November 3, 2007

Dr. Miller, my university Lit professor, used to say that he never got bored, even when listening to something as uninteresting as the monotonous exegesis of the book of Numbers, because he could always think. "Boredom," he always said, "is the sign of a shallow mind."

Death and Funerals

October 27, 2007

Having attended two funerals in the last two days, I am consumed with thoughts of death and related subjects. For the record, death has never frightened me; rather the opposite, I have always been fascinated with the puzzle. I will talk about death with anyone who listens (which makes me an instant hit at parties...).

Why do we send flowers to a funeral? It's almost as if we are trying to smother life's ugliness with the very symbol of fertility, life, health, and beauty. In the face of cold, pallid, grey death, we surround ourselves with warm, vivid, colorful life.

We tend to imagine that the only folks waiting for us in heaven are our deceased loved ones, and Jesus. But is it possible that everyone up there is waiting on us? Is it possible that when we close our eyes here, our eyes are opened to our spiritual family, many of whom may not have been our earthly contemporaries?

Here's a thought: suppose that when Satan jumped from Grace originally, way way back, and a third of the angels went with him, that he suggested that those angels still faithful to God were bullied into their obedience, that if they were truly given a no-strings-attached decision, they too would choose to follow Satan. Suppose God decided to test Satan's theory by creating Earth and allowing each angel to live it's life on earth in ignorance, and out of ignorance to make a true choice between God or Satan. Suppose God hides himself so that we do not remember who he really is. And we make our choice. At death, our eyes are opened to the Real World and our memory returns, and our choice is inexorably made. What rejoicing there is in heaven when one soul repents! Another brother proven true and destined to join the fold again soon. And when he sheds his house of clay and rises up to embrace his destiny, we ought rejoice as well.

But life is bittersweet. Nothing is ever 100% sweetness: heaven's gain is our loss, and sometimes life seems to drag on interminably for the rest of us here. We are still stuck in Time, and Gravity, and Reciprocity, with one less soulmate to lean on.

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

House of Clay

October 21, 2007

I regarded myself in a mirror. For all its complexities and miraculuous workings, it is still a crude clay body, especially when compared to the spiritual being housed within. I considered how the angels must marvel to look at me: this isn't just a house, it's a temple. God lives in here too. I touched my cheek, my hair, and considered that my spirit is actually fused together with this shell in a sort of symbiotic relationship. Each can affect the other, for better or worse. And both are limited. I finally understand why the Bible prohibits our making statues of God, even when we make them with the best of intentions: to put God into a physical form is to limit him, to try to whittle him down into something which fits inside our physical world. This is blasphemy. Think of the Sistine Chapel, of the painting of "God and Adam" that Michaelangelo created, and you will see how that idea of God is unutterably limited, even though a picture is worth a thousand words.

And yet, we have Jesus. God incarnate. The glory of the Father in a body of clay. No wonder the angels were astounded! no wonder the angels couldn't stop singing! That baby in the manger is beyond comprehension, even to the angels. I have a feeling that, once I'm back home in heaven, we will still be talking about this and trying to figure it out. How much did Jesus know? and how long did it take him to figure it out? Did he set aside everything to come through the chute, all slimy and tiny and powerless? Did he have amnesia too? Did he have to learn how Time works, and Gravity, and Reciprocity? Or did he already remember these things? Why did he choose to die at age 33? Three is the number of God, but why not live to be 333, which would have been a more perfect number? or 77? I know he was fulfilling prophecy, but wasn't he originally responsible for what the prophets wrote? So he could have had history written out however he liked.

So many questions to be answered, yet evidently the answers are not relevant in this life, because we won't be finding out while we are alive and well on Planet Earth.

A Smouldering Passion

October 7, 2007

I have an eternal love for that fiery ball in the sky, commonly called the Sun. I look forward to his rising every day, to the tingle on my skin when he shines directly on me, to the brilliance that drives away all shadows. When I am away from him, I approximate his presence with lamps and candles and overhead lighting (yes, all in the same room). I even wonder sometimes if he may be a physical manifestation of God. Yet, for all my passion, I cannot bear to look at him! I can gaze with delight on those lesser lights--the Moon, the stars, the planets--with no ill effect, but to gaze at the Sun would blind me.

Bittersweet.

Hide-and-Go-Seek

October 7, 2007

In my recent Bible readings (trying to reach my year-end goals), I have stumbled upon an interesting concept that I suppose I never saw before: God likes to play hide-and-seek.

Isaiah 45.15 says: "Verily thou art a God that hideth thyself, O God of Israel, the Saviour." And then we find several famous verses advising us to "seek" the Lord:

--Deuteronomy 4.29: "But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul."

--I Chronicles 28.9: "And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever."

--Jeremiah 29.11-13: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

--Matthew 7.7-8: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find,; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for everyone that asketh, receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened."

--Matthew 13.45-46: "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: who, when he had found one of grat price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it."

--Hebrews 11.6: "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

So what are we to make of all this running around and hiding? My first thoughts go back to being a kid and loving the game. I always wanted to be the one to hide, right? What a thrill to think my big brother and all his cool friends are actually spending time looking for ME! (And then what a huge let-down to find out they really weren't; it was just a trick to try to get rid of me... )

And then I try to make some correlation with my adult life. Think about when someone you respect, maybe someone you think doesn't even know you are alive, comes boldly towards you one day saying, "Hey Jenni, there you are, I have been looking everywhere for you!" Assuming you are not in trouble, this can be a very satisfying moment, self-validating, confidence-building, even. You mean that person was thinking of me of their own initiative? You mean they thought of me when I wasn't around, and then purposely ordered their steps to come find me? You mean it wasn't a case of stimulus-response (i.e., "there's Jenni, that reminds me to ask her something")??

My thoughts travel on. There is a half-formed idea in my mind, it is so ethereal that it continuously shifts out of my perceptual reach as I try to focus, like mist on the waters with a slight morning breeze. Imagine that your otherworldly history involves knowing God intimately, and looking down on the earth with wonder, like the angels do. Imagine being approached by beauty and light itself, and asked if you want to experience life on earth. You say yes, no hesitation, and the next thing you know, you are coming out of the chute all slimy, and tiny, and powerless, and...and... Like an amnesiac, there is something huge you know you can't remember. You grow up, and you get so used to that nagging feeling that you really don't feel it anymore. Until one day, you read something in the Bible and your spirit awakens with a jolt! Everything in you responds, like a cat who's ears are trained forward in overwhelming alertness, ready to pounce on that something, drawing as close to it as you can. But it disappears, it has eluded you. But that's okay, because now you are brought again to full awareness that there is something you can't remember, and you spend the rest of your life on earth searching for it.

When do you realize it is God you are seeking? And then, when do you find him?

Maybe God reveals himself in little doses. I have had a thousand "little doses" in my brief life so far--I call them Epiphanies. They are pieces of the puzzle, and since I don't know what the finished picture looks like, they are quite puzzling. :)

One day I went to Cracker Barrel to have breakfast with my mom. The place was packed, and the sunlight was streaming in through the windows, illuminating the soft, mohair-like heads of all the old ladies across the entire room. I got one glimpse that day, it only lasted a second, but it drew hard tears against my will, and does so even today when I think about it. Imagine the most beautiful thing you can think of: I don't mean diamonds and gold and precious stones. I mean, crystal-clear flowing waters to a man dying of thirst, the scent of freedom to a life-sentenced prisoner, tall swaying emerald-green trees to a man blind from birth, and the sound of leaves rustling and children laughing to a deaf man. Whatever you can imagine as the pinnacle of beauty, I saw something unbelievably better. As far as the heavens are above the earth, that's how much better what I saw compares to your vision of beauty. Now you are curious, nay, intrigued. What is it you saw, Jenni? What?? What???

Calm down, I shall tell you. But not today. No, it's not "God". Maybe you will find it on your own, if you keep thinking, keep looking. Play a little hide-and-go-seek with me...

RESOLUTION: New Goals for the Year

September 4, 2007

Having completed CPCU and getting my conferment trip out of the way next week, I am faced with no major goals and still three and a half months of the year remaining. Thus, after much deliberation, I have remedied that situation.

Goal #1: I have decided to pursue a second designation, the ChFC (Chartered Financial Consultant), which requires that I pass eight exams. If I can pass all eight by August 31, 2008, I will be eligible for a free trip to the conferment site, wherever that may be (the location announcement will be made this November). So, I am going to attempt 2 of the 8 exams this year. My first exam is scheduled for September 27.

Goal #2: In January of 2004, I started reading the Bible from the beginning. I have kept up with my progress since then, and I lack just a little more, the finishing of which I feel worthy of corralling into a formally posted goal to increase the urgency in applying myself. If I can read the books listed below, I will have read through the Bible in 4 years, a little mediocre but a feat nonetheless:
1. Isaiah (I'm about halfway through this one now)
2. Jeremiah
3. Job
4. Ezekiel
5. Daniel
6. Micah
7. Nahum
8. Habakkuk
9. Zephaniah
10. Haggai
11. Zechariah
12. Malachi
13. John
14. Revelation
15. Lamentations

Based on the fact that there are 66 books in the Bible and reading 52 of them has taken me over 3.5 years (which averages to a little over 1 book per month), the above list may seem somewhat ambitious to complete in 4 months. But I have a reading plan in place, if I can but stick to it...

MISSIONARY: Bruce Olsson in Colombia

August 31, 2007

My dear friend and missionary, Bruce Olsson, had this to say in a recent letter:

As a missionary among the Motilones, a native people in the jungles of South America, I had been encouraged by their sincerity during a river baptism ceremony.

A few months later, I visited a Colombian hospital with Jorge Kaymiyokba, one of the Motilones at the baptism. We learned that a Motilone woman there had just given birth and lost much blood. She needed an immediate transfusion.

The doctor knew that all Motilones share the same blood type. "It's a good thing you brought a Motilone," he said to me in Spanish. "I'll start preparations for taking his blood." When I translated the doctor's words, Kaymiyokba's face paled. "No, you're not going to do that," he said.

"Kaymiyokba, if you don't give your blood, this woman will die," I said. "I can't do it. I have a different blood type."

Kaymiyokba put his head down. "I don't want to," he said. "I can't! I have too many things to do in this life." I didn't understand his selfish attitude. Kaymiyokba sat down. Finally, he said in a somber voice, "All right. I will give my blood."

Soon, Kaymiyokba was watching with a strange mixture of sadness and contentment as a nurse plunged a needle into his arm and began extracting his blood. Then he looked up.

"Tell me," he said, "When am I going to die?"

Suddenly I understood Kaymiyokba's reluctance--he thought I wanted him to give his life! Incredibly, in a matter of minutes, he had made the decision to sacrifice himself so that another could live. I realized then that his decision at the river was not mere lip service. He intended to follow the example of Christ with all his heart and mind, no matter what the cost.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

God and Mammon

August 14, 2007

For those of you who are Biblically challenged, "mammon" means money. The Bible says "you cannot serve God and mammon", and Jesus says "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." One of the most famous verses in the New Testament says "the love of money is the root of all evil."

Why, then, are some Christian churches out there proclaiming that it is God's will for his children to be wealthy? They go so far as to emphatically insist that if you are not wealthy, if you are having any kind of financial difficulties for any reason, then you have either fallen from Grace or have never been saved to begin with. The reasonable man will see this suggestion as completely absurd, especially in the light of the millions in 3rd world countries (and even in America) who are definitely not wealthy. And the nominally thoughtful Christian will also see this as ridiculous, especially in the light of those Bible verses I quoted.

But forget for a moment, if you will, the starving Africans and the Word of God, and let's examine the root cause of this diametrical opposition: why is wealth pretty universally looked upon as the antithesis of spirituality? The answer, I believe, lies in the idea of Power. Men who struggle and strive and sweat and burn to accumulate wealth are not doing it because of the dollar itself, but because of what the dollar represents: Power, pure and simple. But men who struggle and strive and sweat and burn to purify themselves and to find out who God really is and what it really means to live for Him are in the process of daily eschewing Power. One man grasps Power, the other lets it go. So you can see how it would be mighty difficult to do both simultaneously.

Of course, the truly spiritual man does gain power, but it is not his own, and he ever remains keenly aware of that.

NOTE: August 21,2007
Now don't misinterpret my sentiment here. Understand that this thought is incomplete, as to be complete would take more words than I would truly wish to write. I do not believe that if you are wealthy, you are of necessity "not spiritual". I also do not believe that if a man works hard day after day and becomes increasingly successful as a result, he must also be losing his spirituality. Money is not the root of all evil, only the LOVE of money is. So to live and breathe for the goal of adding to your coffers is what I consider diametrically opposed to spirituality. But if a man accumulates wealth as a byproduct of some other worthy goal, he may still be spiritual, right? So the assertion of my original diatribe was merely this: that a man's LACK of wealth makes no comment on his spirituality, good or bad.

On Becoming an Adult

July 31, 2007

A friend of mine recently asked me this question: "When do I start feeling like an adult?" Bear in mind, this lady has a very good job, owns her own home, is in her mid-thirties, is married, and now is pregnant with her first child.

The question took me off guard, because I realized that I do feel like an adult, although I can't pinpoint the moment I left childhood. I began to consider other friends and family members, and wondered how many of them still do not feel like adults. Some people surely die in their 70's and never feel like they grew up. What makes some people view themselves as adults, while others in the same position still view themselves as children, or as half-adults?

After much thought, I think the answer is this: To feel like you are an adult, you must begin to act like you are an adult. That means doing what's best and not what you want the most. That means saying no to yourself sometimes. It means being your own parent instead of letting your real parents, or the world, or your boss, or your spouse, or your kids for that matter, decide your fate.

If you act like an adult, you will become an adult.

NOTE: August 21, 2007
I have had several friends comment after reading this thought that they do not feel like adults. But some of these friends are very responsible pillars of the community. How can this be? After some consideration, I believe that feeling like an adult may have a lot more to do with our personality temperaments than I previously thought. Consider the iNtuitives (INFJ's like me, or any other "N" variable of personality types), who are geared towards independent thought and have no qualms about changing the norms whenever necessary, and juxtapose them with the Sensors (the "S" variable), who value custom and tradition most in this world. Interestingly enough, most of my friends who look like very responsible adults yet feel like children playing house seem to possess personality types of the "S" persuasion. Perhaps they feel more like obedient children than independent adults because they have never broken away from their obligations to society in favor of doing their own thing. Just a thought, are there any others?

The Passage of Time

July 27, 2007

Time marches inexorably on, regardless of our activities in the meantime.
Einstein was right about the relativity of time: sometimes the hours drag, sometimes you wonder where the weeks went.
Time passes slowly when the mind yearns for one thing but must focus on another.
Summertime: the mind looks to the sky, the sun, the outdoors but must focus on the office.

The Sanctity of Life

July 27, 2007

I've been watching a TV show called "The First 48", in which the camera follows a team of homicide detectors through the first 48 hours after a homicide. The plot is not scripted, nor is the footage edited in such a way as to give a twist at the end. It's just the real, true unfolding of events, and it is fascinating. During one show, the killer was in custody confessing to the crime. Through his tears and angst, he choked out that he only meant to scare the victim with his gun, and when he fired it, he hadn't expected the victim to die. "It was such a little bullet, a tiny little bullet."

It is too easy a thing -- physically -- to kill a person.
That is why we must protect the sanctity of life.
Make it an easy thing -- mentally -- to kill a person, and we are lost.

Retro-Prayer

July 27, 2007

I saw my friend in the parking lot at lunchtime, and realized I had meant to pray for him the last 2 hours as he was having an important interview, but I forgot all about it. So as I was walking towards him, I prayed back through the past, that God would give him the right answers in the interview, would give him calm and confidence, would impress his value upon the minds of his superiors.

Of course, that got me thinking. Does retro-prayer work? Why wouldn't it? God is outside of time, he made time, so surely he has no problem bending it, right?

And that thought got me thinking about time in general. What the heck is it?? We humans are so obsessed with order and chronology, so instictively afraid of chaos, which is what we think life without time would be. And yet we don't think of God as chaotic. Maybe it just proves how one-dimensional we are, how rigid and flat. Thinking about travelling in time blows most of our minds so much, that thinking about travelling without time is simply nonsensical. I guess because the very notion of travel includes time of necessity: there is a duration in our idea of travel, and duration equals time.

So maybe time is more about enduring. When God created the world, he spoke and it came into existence. There was no delay, there was no duration between command and result. When Jesus commanded the storm to cease, he spoke and it stopped, just like that. Maybe the true indicator of real power is the time it takes between command and obedience.

I command my fingers to type these words, and speaking really just gets in the way, because as soon as the thought is formed, the fingers start pecking at the keys. I have more power over my fingers than anyone else does. Is that because my fingers are an intregal part of me? We really form a cohesive team, not two separate entities trying to reign over each other.

Perhaps that's how God wants us to relate to him: to be an intregal part of him, so tied into his thoughts that he has but to begin to think it, and I'm already obeying.

Man's Progress

August 11, 2006

For the past few months, I have been thinking about our progress as a race. It doesn't appear that we've gotten very far, except in the rise of gadgetry. We now have self-propelled vehicles, cell phones, skyscrapers, and computers, but really, in the big things, we have not made it far. A few scientists, like Einstein, have made leaps in the last couple of centuries, but those cases are isolated and rare. I keep asking myself why this should be; why doesn't each successive generation excel in knowledge, understanding, science, etc., to a degree that cannot be matched by prior generations?

I think that a person is born into the world at zero. But in childhood, he is so encumbered by the baggage of his parents that he falls into the negative, sometimes far, far down, and then spends his entire life working to shed that baggage and finally, in old age, if he's lucky, he may eventually arrive at zero again. An entire life wasted, essentially. Then he dies, and he never had a chance to increase himself, to contribute to the progress of humanity. But he had children himself, to whom he passed his burdens and baggage, and the cycle continues.

What waste of precious lives! (I thought) What a sad state for our race, who is condemned to tread water for as long as God sees fit to allow our earth to thrive! How pitiful each child who comes into the world! What a hopeless state of affairs! And this desperation made me wonder what the point was of education and learning and reading and growing, if none of us (or only a very few of us) is going to make it past our starting point anyway? Just eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.

It seemed that mankind would forever be stuck, that our primitive habits have held us back from unimaginable advancements. And what Einstein did would look like child's play if we all worked together.

But suddenly I saw things from a new perspective. Maybe the point of life is not to advance humanity. Maybe that is not even remotely what God intended our focus to be when he created us. Maybe, just maybe, the point of life is just to live. To learn how to think, how to love, how to struggle, how to deal with the same trials that every other human has had to deal with, to let everyone start at zero and fall and work their way back again. It may not matter where we work, or what our hobbies, or how much we travel, or how little money we have--maybe all that matters is how we handle this common, everyday life. How we utilize the specific talents God has given us. Maybe it really is all about the journey, not the destination. (I really hate that phrase, but it so aptly expresses my thought that I hope you'll forgive me for using it.)

When I was younger, I used to think that I wanted my life to count, I wanted to be the first female president, or a missionary martyr, or at least a big fish in a little pond somewhere. Otherwise, I felt that my life would not matter. The accumulation of wealth was also a big measuring stick of my progress in life. But the eternal striving for what will always be elusive gave my heart no rest, my soul no peace. I have become increasingly content to just live my little life, to enjoy the presence of the few people I see everyday, to appreciate the beauties of nature, to revel in God's presence, to allow God's spirit to shine through me, and just to do my best in the task that is set before me each day. Because when the winds of trial blow my way, I want to be prepared to withstand them as firmly as a strong thick oak, my feet firmly planted on solid ground. That kind of growth happens quietly, daily, with consistent watering and pruning--the kind of stuff that never makes the headlines. That's my life now. It probably won't progress humanity, won't "matter" according to the history books, but who cares? I am doing what God intended, slowly clawing my way back to zero. And that gives my heart rest, my soul peace.

The Temptation of Christ

July 11, 2005

There is a story in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in the Bible) of Satan appearing before Jesus Christ and tempting him to sin. The very existence of the story presupposes several key doctrines of Christianity:
1. that Satan exists;
2. that sin exists;
3. that Satan actively interacts in the lives of men, tempting them to sin against God;
4. that Jesus Christ exists;
5. that Jesus Christ was sinless, a state which Satan desperately desired to change.

Now, this was probably not the first time Satan had tried to tempt Christ, and it was certainly not the last time (since we know that Satan tried to use Peter to tempt Christ later). So why is this included in the Scriptures? Elsewhere, the Bible indicates that the Scriptures are for our benefit, teaching us how to live and how to react to life. So how can this temptation of Christ, which seems to be a war between ultimate good and ultimate evil, actually teach us mere mortals how to live?

This temptation has three phases where Satan presents an alluring sin to Christ, and Christ rejects it based on some passage of Scripture. I will here present each of these three sets, adding my own interpretation to Christ's responses (and please note, these are written in the margin of a Bible I have had for decades, so I'm not sure if I personally thought of this, or if I heard it in a sermon once). Bear in mind that it has been 40 days since Jesus ate.

Set 1: Satan's first attempt addressed Jesus' hunger: "If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread." This sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Satan is concerned that Jesus might faint from hunger, right? Now listen, we read stories about Count Dracula all the time, how he lived for 400 years or something and so was very adept at subtle manipulation. Wouldn't we believe that a being who has been around since before the Earth was formed would really know how to work a man? And so we look at Satan's request again and note that he is putting a condition on Jesus: If you are almighty... It looks like Satan is trying to get Jesus to prove by a powerplay that he truly is God's Son. Well, and what is so wrong with that? How could that be a sin? I mean, didn't Jesus later heal the sick and raise the dead, actions which require much more power than turning a rock into a roll?

But Jesus responds to this by saying: "It is written, that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God." Okay, we all agree with that, but what has that got to do with commanding stones to become bread when you are really hungry, Jesus? It doesn't seem like Satan and Jesus are talking about the same thing here.

But Satan's question is not whether Jesus has the power to do it. They both know he does. The subtle question is truly, Will Jesus do what he wants, even if God has not directed him to do it? Will Jesus act on his own to meet his own needs, or will he wait on God? Is Jesus independent of God, or is he dependent on God for every little thing? Does Jesus believe that something so simple as eating still requires direction from God? Boiled down to its very essence, Is Jesus God's puppet?

And the answer is unequivocally YES. More times than I can count did Jesus tell his disciples that he only does what his father wills. Remember what he said in the Garden of Gethsemane, when he prayed to God that the cup he would have to drink (the crucifixion) might pass from him? He said, "Not my will, but thine." In the big things, Jesus obeyed God. And he's telling Satan right now that this is also true in the little things. My paraphrase for what Jesus answers is: "I would rather obey God than meet my own needs."

Set 2: Satan's second attempt to tempt Christ to sin addressed Jesus' ambition by showing him all the kingdoms of the world and then saying: "If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine." It is easier to see the evil in this statement than in the previous one. Satan wants Jesus to worship him in exchange for all the glory of all the kingdoms of the world. After all, didn't Jesus come to be the Savior? What better way to save mankind than to remove Satan's control over them? Why not do a little evil for a greater good?

But Jesus responds to this by saying: "Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve." We recognize that he is quoting the First Commandment. But we wonder, aren't there times when one needs to disobey God on ths front in order to achieve a victory for him on that one? After all, isn't every situation relative, making our response to it relative as well? Aren't there truly times when God's commandments are inconvenient for God's own purposes? He doesn't ALWAYS know best, does he?

But Jesus viewed this temptation in a very black and white way, and that way meant keeping God's commandments at any price. My paraphrase for what Jesus answers is: "I would rather be totally pure before God and appear a failure before men, that be spotted before God and appear successful before men."

Set 3: Satan's third and final attempt to tempt Christ to sin addressed Jesus' energy by taking him onto a high tower and saying: "If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence." And then, to add support to this temptation, Satan quotes an Old Testament prophesy about the Messiah, which says, "He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone."

Let's examine what the temptation actually was, because it seems a little foggy. Christ is tired, not having eaten for 40 days. Satan lifts him up and deposits him on a high tower. How is Jesus going to get down? Satan suggests that Jesus just jump, for aren't the angels going to carry him anyway? When we look at that suggestion, we wonder what is so wrong with it. Jesus has the power to jump, the angels are going to take care of him, so why is that a sin? Again, this is just a question of Jesus thinking for himself. Will he do what is convenient for himself, even though his Father in heaven hasn't directed him to do it? Can the Father really care how Jesus gets down from the tower??

But Jesus responds to this by saying: "It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God." This statement could be looked at in several ways. I have heard sermons where this statement was meant to rebuke Satan for tempting Jesus, thus proving that Jesus is "the Lord thy God." But since Satan has been tempting Jesus all this time, one would wonder why Jesus would wait so long to rebuke him. No, I believe that Jesus is talking about the temptation itself and saying that if he jumped, he would be tempting God.

This leads into a question of what it means to tempt someone. What is temptation anyway? We use it jokingly about a rich piece of cake: "Oh, don't tempt me!" But in the Biblical sense, I believe that it means trying to manipulate someone into doing something that goes against God's wishes. Obviously, trying to get someone to sin goes against God's wishes, but trying to get God to do something that was not part of his plan--like catching Jesus from a fall when God never told him to jump in the first place--can also be considered a temptation. My paraphrase for what Jesus answers is: "I would rather take the difficult way out than try to manipulate God on behalf of my laziness."

After these three questions, Satan went away defeated, and angels appeared to Jesus and ministered to him. I hope you have read something here today that helps you in some way. I would love to hear about it, or to get any further comments you may have on the subject. Email me!

Good vs Evil

January 29, 2005

I watched Schindler’s List last night. It's so, so sad. And what’s sadder still is that it was not an isolated event with Jews as the only victims of mass murder. Kosovo, South Africa, the Congo, and Iraq tell us otherwise (just to mention a few).

There truly is evil in the world, and it is present at any given time. It always begs the question--what should we do about it? Of course, Burke’s famous quote comes to mind: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Well, and if I agree, what then? What is the thing that good men should do?

Should they, like the United Nations, stand back and wring their hands, making verbal threats they don’t have the manpower to back up? Should they abhor physical maneuvering and rely solely on the hope that eventually the innate goodness of the perpetrator will finally bubble up through the miry blackness of his soul and stay his hand from brutally murdering millions more? History proves that killers never stop killing of their own accord. Evil only ever becomes darker.

If words are ineffective, should good men then rely on prayer to end apartheid? The Bible assures us that “the fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Now we have touched on something that actually has worked before. But the problem here is that prayer is unpredictable: we don’t know when it will work, when God will stop the evil and when he will let it continue. Many have intimated that the Jewish holocaust was imminent, prophesied by Old Testament preachers as Israel’s punishment for disobeying God’s laws. Are they then saying that the death of six million Jews was God’s will?

No one will concede that. So it stands to reason that if God did not actively will for these deaths to occur, he must have had some other motive in mind for not intervening sooner. If we believe that God is truly good, as I do, then we must believe that he respects the gifts he has given mankind, one of which is free will. God allows us to make our own choices, and freedom to choose evil over good is still freedom.

Therefore, if evil men are free to actively choose evil deeds, aren’t good men free to actively choose good deeds? No one would argue that rescuing millions of potential victims is a good deed, but what if that rescue operation necessitated killing some of the bad guys? Is it still a good deed to kill an evil man?

Some would point out that America has her own holocaust: aborted babies. It's easy to see how a fanatic could kill an abortion doctor and feel justified, and yet, taking a life in the name of good seems awfully convoluted. But would a Jew have been justified in killing Mengele? Or would that have made the Jew a murderer, worthy of death himself? More people have been murdered by abortion than by Auschwitz.

Besides, there is always the debate over what constitutes evil. An abortion doctor might be a generally well-liked person who cares for his family and pays his taxes, and who feels passionately that unwanted children should not have to struggle alone in this evil world. He might view himself as an angel of mercy. This would not be odd at all, in fact, for history teaches us that most mass murderers do not view themselves as evil. It’s just not something one can sleep with at night. Since it’s much more palatable to dehumanize the identity of the victim, the abortion doctor might believe that babies are only tissue, much like the Germans believed that Jews were only rats.

So if words don’t work, prayer is unreliable, and killing evil men is not truly a good deed, what’s left?

Can we look to Jesus, the ultimately good man, and see what he did? Granted, there wasn’t a holocaust going on in Jerusalem in his day, but evil men still prospered. Jesus convinced, argued, and debated. Then he prayed. A couple of times, he manhandled. And all these things only worked to a certain extent, because eventually he was crucified. The good man did something, and yet evil still triumphed. Or did it? Perhaps Jesus showed us that death is not the ultimate defeat, because in dying he did something revolutionary, something that turned men inside out, that changed the world as we know it, and that still defeats evil men to this day.

He forgave.

And that, as Oskar Shindler said, is true power.

Bill Gates vs Bono

January 3, 2005

Many people in the world today like to curse Bill Gates. In fact, they like to use his own products to do so. They type up scathing articles in Microsoft Word, and then use the mail merge feature to shoot out 1001 emails with Microsoft Outlook about the evils of big corporations. They keep their constituents organized in Microsoft Access, and track donation dollars with Microsoft Excel. They create web pages with Microsoft Frontpage, or go online via Microsoft Internet Explorer and post these curses in chat rooms worldwide. They create brochures and flyers using Microsoft Publisher, and present slide shows using Microsoft Powerpoint.

Or maybe they don't use Microsoft products anymore. They've pitched their PC for a Mac and started towing the Jobs line because he's not Bill Gates. These advanced thinkers have upgraded to Writer, Calc, Impress, and Draw, or even to Pages, Keynote, and iWork, all in an effort to steer clear of the first pioneer. The irony is that Microsoft's products paved the way for most of the "non-Microsoft" software currently available.

The big question is, why all the hate? What was so evil about blazing a trail through cyberspace and bringing exotic applications into the average person's living room? Bill Gates is the modern-day Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods to give it to the common man. This gift ignited the flames of invention and productivity in the common man, so that within a relatively brief span of time, the entire world as we know it was transformed.

As a result, he became fabulously wealthy. And because of this wealth, the common man has turned on him. If Bill Gates donated every penny of profit from his products to feed the poor and house the homeless, would he and his products continue to be villified? Au contraire, mon frère.

This leads one to the inevitable conclusion that these Bill-bashers hate the man for his money. Money, they believe, has created this disparity within the species, where Bill is up there and they are down here. Money, not intelligence. Money, not the entrepreneurial spirit. Money, not strategy. You see, most Bill-bashers believe that they are just as intelligent and strategic as Gates (if not more). They believe that every man is born with the entrepreneurial spirit, not just the Bills of the world, and it is only the misfortunes and importunities of life that decide who lands in which financial caste.

I call these people communist hypocrites. Communist, because to hear their vapid slurs against Bill Gates, one would assume that they wish all men to have equal amounts of money, equal amounts of power, and equal amounts of success. Hypocrites, because this desire for equality only applies to certain fabulously wealthy men of the world, not to all of them.

Take, for example, the case of U2's lead singer, Bono. Much like Gates, Bono came from an average family with average prospects and ended up grabbing the reins of opportunity, taking chances other men sneered at, and arriving at the enviable position of world-renowned rock idol. Much like Gates, Bono produces products for the common man for the primary purpose of padding his own wallet. Like Gates, Bono's creative processes have been molded and formed by the proven influence of the almighty dollar. I mean, when a concert ticket costs US$150, one has to wonder how much dough is baking in Bono's oven.

But, curiously enough, these same Bill-bashers seem to have no problem with Bono's wealth. They love to render Bill's corporation as Micro$oft, but you never see them referring to Bono's latest tour (which was the second highest-grossing tour in the history of rock and roll) as Eleva$ion.

Why is Bono heralded as compassionate and generous while Bill is not? Sure, Bono may work to leverage his fame for donations from the common man to go to his favorite charities, but Bill gives his own money to his favorite charities. If anything, Bill should be lauded as more generous than Bono. So again I ask, why all the biased hate?

It's clear that Bill-bashers don't hate cyberspace. They don't hate intelligence, strategy, or the entrepreneurial spirit. In fact, observing their blessings on Bono, we can even go so far as to say they don't hate wealth in general. I present to you, dear reader, that these Bill-bashers hate nothing more than to be considered average by those whom they admire. Thus, if a person admires those who use the Mac, that person will display hatred for the PC in an effort to be smiled upon by the Mac users. This has nothing to do with the inherent shortcomings of the PC, and everything to do with the desire to be accepted.

The average computer user out there uses Microsoft products and thinks they should be named the 8th wonder of the modern world. But some one person will one day discover the Mac, and will enter a new world made up of people who think they are smarter than the average computer user. Smarter, and therefore better. That little average guy will want to break away from the Microsoft lemmings and join this elite group of smarties. And what better way to prove he has made such a leap of faith than to bash what he formerly held dear? "Down with Bill Gates! Microsoft must go!" This has nothing to do with the inherent shortcomings of Microsoft products, and everything to do with the desire to be accepted.